Pseudo therapeutic poems, intended, however unrealistically, to solve all your problems.
For what you are about to read, may the Lord make you truly thankful.

I am not God

It is true
I write well
It is true
Women find me attractive
It is true
I'm charming
and sexually active

It is true
I am a genius

My intellect is vast
My talents impressive
My achievements astonishing

But do not say that I am God
I am not God
Do not pretend that I am God
I am not God

Do not think of me as God
Think of me as a god
The God of Modesty

Thinking of ewe

I'm looking over
a dog named Rover
For I miss my little lamb
Soft and silky and gentle

I'm looking over
a dog named Rover
My lamb's been away
too long

I'm looking over
a dog named Rover
Even though
I know
It's wrong

Beautiful Lies

I love
Your beautiful lies
They hide
Selfish, nasty
Ugliness inside
You look so pretty
When you lie to me
We walk
Together
Through calming darkness
Lost in a fantasy
Protected from reality
The truth is out there
If we hide, it can't find us

Problem Child

If you have a problem, with me
You will have to talk to my friend

In a conflict
I get upset

I get upset
He gets angry
You get hurt
That's pretty much
The way it works

My friend simply doesn't know
The meaning of the word 'fear'
Or 'nuclear'
Or 'perpendicular'
Or 'amortization'
Or 'rectangular'
Or 'fertilization'
Or 'situation'
'Integration' 'obfuscation' 'retardation'

There are many, many words
My friend doesn't know

He'll express himself
with fists of fury

I hope you don't have a problem
With my simple, violent friend

Should I Stay Or Should I go?

Insanity
Is a friend to me
An excuse
To act rude

Just a little drooling
And I get handicapped parking

I can scream
As loud as I want

Your generous donation will show
You really want
me to leave.

Best Wishes

I just want you to know
Even though
I've taken out
A MASSIVE
Life insurance policy
On You
A part of me
Hopes
That you don't die

I Can't Find Me

We are children
at play
We are adults
toiling like fool slaves
Wasting our lives
Treasured moments
dying
Try to find
What you once held
so near and dear
There it is, gone
Discarded refuse

Bits of life
barely remembered
Now lost forever

Sand falling
Through wrinkled fingers
That tremble and shake

Where is my childhood?
Where is my life?

A young boy hiding
But I can't find him
I run, and hide
from myself

Is that you?

Oh my God,
Is that you?
How have you been?
You haven't changed a bit

It's been too long
You're looking good
How's the family?
We sure had some crazy times

Do you still do
all those great things
you used to do?
You're the absolute greatest

I can't tell you
how you've affected
my life, my views,
everything I've become

But tell me,
Who are you?
Why are you here?
You must be mentally ill

Do I know you?
Who let you in?
Don't touch me
I'm calling the police

Steel City Blues

Walking along the streets
of Hamilton
I saw a city
That fell too hard
When our society changed
Without any warning.

Steel mills downsized
and downsized lives
What happened to our dreams?
We de-industrialized

An old woman walks by
Smiling, aging lady
Makeup blurring lines

False promises beneath
a death mask
As she strides, determined
Gritty, ragged, so hard to love
But even harder
To leave

Me wife is nice

Dinner's on the table
Roast beef for all of us
cuddlin' the asparagus
Me wife is nice

She's walking down the stairs
with a hot cup of tea
She wants to talk to me
Me wife is nice

I follow her downstairs
Chit chat, chit chat, chit chat
a whole lot more of that
Me wife is nice

I leave in stocking feet
thumping up stairs I get
But my feet are soaking wet
and cold as ice!

Looking down at the stair
I cannot help but stare
spilled tea all over there
now ain't that nice!

Philippa spillipa.

Country Music

Country music scares me
Swing your partner
Round and round
You psychotic bastards

It's all about losing
Your wife
Your dog
Your farm
Yourself

Dohsee doh, Bobby Joe
Chug it down
Away we go
You inbred hillbillies

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care
See what I mean?
No-one cares, not even Jimmy

Take me to the country
Way past insanity

Because you're mine
I crossed the line

Fah La Lah

Fah la lah
Fah la lah
Fah la lah

Lah la
Lah la
Lah la
Lah la

dooby, dooby
rolladooby
dooby, dooby, doo

Fah la lah
Fah la lah
Fah la lah

Fah la lah
Fah la lah
Fah la lah

Fuh la lah
Fuh la lah
Fuh la lah

Fuh fuh lah
Fuh fuh lah
Fuh fuh lah

Fuh fuh Fuh
Fuh fuh fuh
Fuh fuh fuh

Fuh fuh fuh
Fuh fuh fuh
Fuck off clown!

Questions

Why does life
ebb and flow as tides?
Why does love ebb and flow?
Why does death mock us?
Why does life mock us?
Why are we here?

When did you grow old?
Where am I
What time is it?
How many clowns can fit in a car?
Who am I?
Where am I now?

Is that your best effort?
Where have you been?
The answer to these
and all other questions
is sixteen.

Dirty Girl

She looked heavily tanned
But no
She was only filthy
To lick her breasts
was to clean them up
Salty tits
caked with mud and old dirt
It felt so grimy
to feel her up
How would you feel?